All I Want To Do
by Seattle Baby
Summary: A short story of Meredith and Derek will he evr tell her that he loves her? Based on another story
1. The Beginning

**Ok guys, this is a short little story, about 7 chapters that is based on a chain mail. I have no Idea who wrote the original little poem, but I will post it as the last (eight) chapter so all of you can read it. Meredith and Derek belong to Shonda Rhimes**

He walked slowly, crunching on the wet grass covered in a light morning dew. The early sun had just barely began to rise, its light reflecting off of the fog that filled the cool air. His head was drawn down to the floor, listening attentively to the woman walking next to him, he shoved his cold hands deep into his pockets, watching closely as my breath escaped his mouth. She walked carefully along a large, long log next to him, watching as she put one step in front of the other, in attempt not to fall. Her arms were held out to either side, ensuring her safety, as she held a friendly conversation with her best friend. She looked from her warm, but muddy boots down to him once in awhile, glancing back to see every footprint that he left in the lucious green grass.

"But then he said that he didn't want to go!" She exclaimed excitedly, finishing the story that had been going on for quite some time. He laughed lightly at the comical tale, nodding his head lightly. Looking up at her, he marveled at how she was so careful and dainty. He knew that they were only friends, but he couldn't help but feel more for the beautiful woman that he had become accustomed to seeing everyday. Reaching the end of the log, he pulled one hand out of his pocket, stretching it out to meet her as she slightly lost balance. Quickly jumping off, she ran into him, laughing. "Brrrr, it's so cold this morning!" She said, wraping her small arms around her delicate body.

"Thats because its winter," he said smartly, looking down at her, smiling.

"Oh, don't be such a smart ass." She joked, hitting his arm, "I can't believe that its already almost time to go back to school! New Years is tonight, then the weekend, thats it!" She pouted, throwing her scarf back over her shoulder, shoving her hands down into her pockets as though to mimic him. "You ready for school?"

He pauses for a moment, letting out a heavy sigh. She watches as his breath melds with the air, wating for his response, "Sure, why not? We're sophmores, only got two more years, then we are off to college."

A long, and rather uncomfortable silence taunts them. Her light facial expressions tell him that something is wrong; over their lifetime, he had come to know every possible face that she could make -- when she wanted to be cute, she would crunch her nose up and smile, when she was really angry, her mouth would drop open, and she would place her hands on her hips. Everytime she was being sarcastic, she would give a fake half-smile and roll her eyes, and when she wanted to make him melt, all she did was look at him and give the sweetest smile that you had ever seen. Rather than asking what was wrong, he let her get her thoughts in order as they proceeded to walk in the woods nearby. "Derek. . ." she said softly, almost asking a question. He knew that she was upset, but he hadn't know noticed that she was on the verge of tears. The now almost fully risen sun made her tears shine and glimmer, almost as if small crystals, as they stuck to the inside of her eyes. Stopping, he placed his hand on her elbow, urging her to face him. She stopped, leaved breaking under her boots as she turned around, "Derek, are we always going to be best freinds, you know, even after we go to college?"

He smiled, how could she be upset about such a simple question? He pulled her a little bit closer and wiped the stray tear from her cheek, "Of course Mer, of course we are."

"Thanks Derek, you truley are my best friend," she kissed him on the cheek quickly, "Come on, lets go home." All he wanted to do at that point was take her into his arms and tell her, he wanted to tell her that he didn't want to be just friends, that he loved her, but he was just too shy, and he didn't know why.


	2. Tenth Grade

**Update 2/7**

A few months later, Derek sat in English class, watching his so called "best friend." The day was free; the Friday before finals began, and she was as wild as he has ever seen her. She laughs and plays, throwing her arms into the air wildly as she jumps on her girlfriends back. He stared at her long, silky honey hair, and wished that she was his. But, she didn't notice him like he noticed her, and he knew it. Glancing over after her laughing fit, Meredith noticed Derek watching her. She smiled at him, running over to his desk and jumping on his lap, "We're gonna be juniors!!!" She screamed, throwing her arms around his neck. He chuckled into her ear, embracing her as he took in her precious scent.

"Yes we are," he confirmed, "This summer is going to be a blast."

"It sure is!!!" she said, jumping out of his lap, "Party time!" Many cheers came from the class at this remark, "At your house Mer?" One of the students asked.

"How about mine?" Derek said, afraid that if a party did happen, Meredith would surely get in trouble for it. This insured her safety during and after the party; considering that with high school student, they would surely bring beer to look cool, and then he could be punished rather than her as a result.

"Whhooo!! Shepherd!" Came the chants of the class.

Derek quickly turned his attention back to his best friend, hoping that she wouldn't leave him alone again this class period. Her eyes sparkled, even in the overhead school lighting, illuminating every feature on her face. Her bright smile -- the one he knew so well to melt him, did just that as he sank back into his chair. "It's so exciting isn't it? Oh! And guess what? Mom says that when I'm a junior, I can start dating!!!"

This was definently the other thing he needed to protect Meredith from; he wanted her to have fun, and experience having a boyfriend, but he would kill anyone who broke her. He decided right then and there that if she were to have a boyfriend, they would have to be interviewed by him first. Yes, that would definently do. Standing up, he pulled his books up into one hand, now looking down at Meredith. She plunged into him, practically knocking him over with her hug. "So, what do you have next?" She asked curiously.

"Chemistry," he replied, balancing the both of them out as the bell began to ring. She smiled briefly again, dashing toward her desk to her bookbag. Letting out a small sigh, Derek left out to the halls, confronting his locker. It was old, as many of the lockers were at the old, beat up school; it had blue chipped paint, and was slightly dented on one side. Instead of opening it with his combination, he simply smashed it with his fist, causing it to gently glide open as he pulled out his chemistry book.

"Derek!" His favorite voice called from behind him. He turned, a smirk already plastered on his face as she met him, "Do you have the review notes from yesterday? I wasn't here, remember?"

i'Of course I remember,'/i Derek thought, i'That was the worst day of the year.'/i Browsing through his folder quickly, he found his English section, "Yep," he said, pullig them out and handing them to her.

"Thank you so much!" She said before kissing him on the cheek quickly and running off to her next class. All he wanted to do at that point was take her into his arms and tell her, he wanted to tell her that he didn't want to be just friends, that he loved her, but he was just too shy, and he didn't know why.


	3. Eleventh Grade

Eleventh grade had come by fast; faster than Derek expected. Meredith was now dating a man named Mark, one of Derek's closest freinds. He sat on his couch, watching his usual hit shows wondering what she could possibly see in him. Sure, Mark was his good friend, and it may have been out of line to say, but Derek had so much more to offer than Mark did. His was puzzled and dumbfounded whenever he brought the subject up to himself; he decided to try not to mention it anymore, but the topic always found its way back into his head. As he lean against the arm rest, his head resting on his hand, he was startled when the buzzing phone nearly fell off the table. Reacting quickly, he caught the vibrating device before it could, reading the caller id: "Mere." He quickly flipped it open, almost immediately sensing that something was wrong. His thought were confirmed when he heard her struggle to breath as she choked back every tear. He tried desperately to calm her with soothing words, but nothing seemed to help at this point.

"He--he just," Meredith's voice cracked under the pressure.

"Ssshhh, Mer, calm down," Derek said as calmly as possible, his anger and frustration building up at the thought of what Mark had done, "Shhh, everythings going to be ok now."

"But Derek, how, ho, how could he?" She mumbled, suddenly breaking into loud sobs.

"Mer, don't think about it babe," he tried so hard to keep himself in his house; to keep himself from running to his now ex-friend and beating him up, before proceeding to his best friends house, taking her into his arms, and never letting her go.

Her sobs slowly came down to small wimpers and loud breathing, "Der. . . .Could you come over, please? . . .I don't wanna be alone." She said, softly, in her now low voice.

"Of course Mer, of course." They said their goodbye's quickly; he ran to his car, rushing as quickly as he possibly could to reach her house; to reach her. She invited him in silently, her eyes wet, and red, full of tears. Cocking his head, he wiped a tear from her eye before entering, pulling her into a long, comfortable hug. She led him to the couch, where they sat close together, her head placed on his chest. She looked up at him, smiling lightly, and as he stared into her soft eyes, he couldn't help but wish she was his, but he knew that she would never see him in that way. After two hours, a Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she yawned, stretching her long and slender arms into the air. She decided it was time to go to bed.

She stood up, he not to far behind; turning to him, she said, "Thank you Derek," and placing her hand on his chest, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. He only smiled in return, running a quick hand through her hair before pulling her into one last embrace before he left, taking her her heavenly scent. As he reached the door, he turned back one last time to watch her walk up the stairs. All he wanted to do at that point was take her into his arms and tell her, he wanted to tell her that he didn't want to be just friends, that he loved her, but he was just too shy, and he didn't know why.


	4. Senior Year

Now Senior year, both Derek and Meredith had grown into matured, fully developed adults, rather than children. Derek, now fully grown, had become one of the tallest, not to mention smartest, and best looking man within his class, and probably the school. He played his role within the school, supporting many clubs and activities, as well as playing sports and taking many advanced placement classes. He stood, as he did every year between classes at his beat up blue locker; the one that rather than civily attempting at the complicated combination, he smashed in, making the previous dent bigger andbigger with every blow. He was proud of himself, he as well as other classmates had organized many school involved activities that had raised enough money to replace these beat up things; unfortunately, just not in his time at this school. Placing his English book in his locker, the most beautiful woman approached him, "My date is sick," she frowned; a face that was not usually worn by Meredith Grey, "He's not gonna go." He cocked his head, smiling; he knew exactly what she meant. In seventh grade Derek didn't have a date to their corny dance, so he and Meredith made a promise to each other that if they were to never have dates in the future, they would go together, as "best friends." That was just some corny dance back then, but now, now it was senior prom: the best thing that can possibly happen to a high school student. He had to go with her; not that he didn't want to, in fact, it was his dream come true, and besides, it would just be wrong if he didn't.

So they did. They went to prom together, having the best time of their lives. They laughed and giggled, reminiscing quickly on the previous hours as they reached Meredith's porch. The light came on, sensing their bodies, illuminating the dark sky. They smiled at each other, glancing away momentarily as they both saw lightning bugs out of the corner of thier eyes. Looking back at her, her body glowed and sparkled in her amazing lavender dress; he felt emarrased just to be next to her in fear that his beauty could not match hers. She smiled at him wth her shining crystal eyes, and all he wished was that Meredith could be his, but he knew that she didn't see him in the same way that he saw her. Her bright smile illuminated the night, even moreso than the light that had recently flickered on. "Thanks Derek, I had the best time!" She exclaimed cheerfully, yet very tender and quietly; he wasn't quite sure how she could pull so many emotions into so little words, but she sure as Hell did it, and she did it good. His heart melted when she gave him a kiss on the cheek; she just had that effect on him. She turned to enter her house, only looking back once more before dissapearing into her safe haven. All he wanted to do at that point was take her into his arms and tell her, he wanted to tell her that he didn't want to be just friends, that he loved her, but he was just too shy, and he didn't know why.


	5. Graduation

**Only a few more updates left**

A day passed, then a week, then a month, before they could even stop to think, Graduation had come. The day was glorious; the sky held its perfect blue, the clouds seemed to fade away, the sun shone brightly down, congradulating the class. Derek Shepherd stood in line, waiting for his name to be called; he was excited to finally get out of school, but deathly terrified to lose his dear sweet Meredith. He knew that they had promised to always be with each other, always be friends, but he couldn't help but feel an uncoltrollable attachment to his best friend. A light breeze picked up as he smiled brightly: he heard Meredith's name called out to the crowd. He watched as her perfect body practically floated across the stage, so graceful and petit. Many cheers shot up as she reached the principal, excepting her diploma, the loudest Derek's as he stood and applauded wildly. He yearned so badly for her to be his, but she didn't notice him like that, and he knew it.

Shortly after every name was called, the students hustled out, meeting and embracing their family and loved ones. Derek searched frantically for her before even his family. Turning around, he saw her perfect self smiling brightly at him. She reached him in her dark blue smock and hat, throwing her arms around his neck. Tears ran down both of their faces as they embraced each other, laughing slightly. "We finally did it!" She exclaimed happily as she lifted her head from her shoulder. His smile only grew deeper as he picked her up, spinning her around. Upon putting her down, they found both of their families waiting with camera's drawn as they took many snapshots of the two excited graduates. "Derek, you are my best friend," Meredith began, her arms still wrapped protectivly around him, "And, no matter what happens, we will always be best friends, got that buddy?" He nodded happily, uncontrollable tears running down his face, "And I just want to thank you. Thank you for everything that you have done for me. Ever." No longer joyfull, his tears bombarded him in a rather scared and fearful manner. He pulled her back into his arms, never wanting to let go.

"Yes we will. I promise, no matter what happens, it will always be me and you; Derek and Meredith."

"Me and you, Meredith and Derek. I like that," She laughed, her eyes still full of tears, "It has a nice ring to it."

He smiled, thinking the exact same thing, "Yes, yes it does." He confirmed, pulling her back into one last hug, "Yes it does," he whispered into her hair, taking in the scent that he had been accostomed to for so long, savoring every last smell in fear that it may be one of the lasts. "Thank you Mer, thank you for everything." Only nodding in response, they slowly peeled themselves away from each other.

"Come out to dinner with us?" she asked, tears still lingering on her stained face.

"I would love to," he said, wiping away every tear possible that still haunted her beautiful face.

"Alright, I'll see you tonight then." She hugged him quickly one last time, placing a kiss on his cheek. She walked away with her family, looking back to wave. He did the same as he walked back to his car. All he wanted to do at that point was take her into his arms and tell her, he wanted to tell her that he didn't want to be just friends, that he loved her, but he was just too shy, and he didn't know why.


	6. Wedding Day

A few years later, the church was filled with hundreds of excited, some nervous guests; all waiting for the big moment. Soon the church bells would ring, signifying yet another unification under the eyes of God. White and lavender filled every corner of the church, the brides two favorite colors. Wonderful perfumes and baking scents mixed with the laughter and conversation of all who were there to enjoy the converging of two souls. Derek waited impatiently to see his dear sweet Meredith, but, unfortunately for him, all he could do was sit up straight in the uncomfortable pew, staring jealously at her groom-to-be. He was a nice, sweet guy; he had deep caring eyes, dark hair, almost as dark as his, and his name was Ryan Dawson. Usually wearing his hair up, it was now slicked back as he nervously tugged at his sleaves. His best man quickly straightened his shirt out before saying "It's time," and rushing to the back doors, where he would escort the maid of honor. Derek sighed deeply as the music played. Everyone stood as Meredith walked down the hall, her father on her arm, holding back tears. She took his breath away as she passed, glancing at him only momentarily before turning her attention back to her groom, who's smile was almost as big as hers. He wanted her so badly; he wanted more than anything to be the one standing next to her, and now holding her hands, waiting to say 'I do', but Meredith didn't see him like that, and he knew it. It pained him to see her say "I do," placing a ring on his finger; but it also made him happy, almost happier than he had ever been before in his life, seeing Meredith as giddy as she was. Ryan was her true love, and there was no doubt about that, but she was happy, and Derek was happy for her.

At the reception, he was taken by suprise as Meredith practically jumped into his arms, tears of joy running down her face, "You came, Derek, you came!" She said, placing a kiss on his cheek.

He laughed too as tears brimmed the inside of his eyes, "Of course I did Mere." He hugged her back, just as hard, "I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Mrs. Meredith Dawson" He added at the end for their ammusement.

"Thank you," she said softly as she pulled back to look into his eyes. He smiled down at her; her beautiful face was framed by a gorgeous lavender veil. Her dress that had been dragging lightly on the floor was now rested comfortably on Derek's shoes.

"Excuse me?" A kind voice came from behind, "May I steal my wife for a dance?" He asked jokingly.

The three laughed for a second, before Derek finally handed her over to Ryan, "Of course." He watched as they made their way to the dance floor. She looked like an angel sent down from Heaven as God's gift to the world, and well, afterall, that is what she was to Derek. She glided gracefully on the floor on her husband's arm, never missing a beat.

Shortly after the reception ended, Meredith and Ryan said their goodbye's to their guests, thanking them for coming. He watched helplessly as she drove off to her new life, married to another man. All he wanted to do at that point was take her into his arms and tell her, he wanted to tell her that he didn't want to be just friends, that he loved her, but he was just too shy, and he didn't know why.


	7. The Funeral

**Last Chapter guys, thanks for reading!!**

Years passed by, but it seemed like only days to Derek Shephard. A new look had come upon him today, this one more gloom and bleak than what he usually wore. The sky was now filled with protruding, foreboding lavender clouds; how appropiate. There was a breeze that had picked up, making almost everyone who stood in groups shiver, huddling even closer together. He, on the other hand, stood alone. Nothing mattered at the moment, absolutely nothing at all. Only one thing could bring a smile to his solemn face, and that was his dear sweet Meredith, but that was impossible now. As the cold, emotionless drops of cold water began to pour down, almost instantly on everyone's heads, lavender umbrella's were raised -- in her honor. Everyone had pulled one out, or shared one with another except for Derek, he stood solemly. Almost no emotion seemed to be pulled out of Derek's face as he stared at the coffin of who used to be his "best friend." Even though she could not be there with him now, she would always hold that title within his heart. He looked up for a moment to look at a certain person across from him: Ryan, Meredith's husband. He didn't know one person other than himself standing around the large coffin --not one person except for Ryan that he could call by name. Derek stared at the man who was tall, standing up perfectly straigh, with a calm, cool and collected appearence. Like him, emotion did not show.

At her funeral, Ryan asked Meredith's favorite preacher to speak for them. "Meredith Dawson was a loving wife, and a devoted surgeon. . ." He began, but Derek's mind was elsewhere. He was sitting there, just sitting there as though he didn't even care fore her, but he couldn't cry. Not because of his pride or anything like that, but simply because he couldn't register that she was gone. In Derek's world, Meredith was still there, srill standing next to him, still holding his hand. He was brought to the real world when he looked up at Reverend Schaffer, who was now flipping through a small book. "Tonight, we also look back upon those treasurable high school years. This is a diary that she kept to herself, and I would like to share a few small passages with all of you." He read a few pages, Derek remembering every event that was written on paper. He couldn't help but smile at the wonderful memories that he had with his best friend. His smile remained until her last page, it then began to slowly fade away. This was something he had never heard before: "And as I stare at him," he began, reading Meredith's words word for word, "I keep wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I wanna tell him, i want him to know that i don't wanna be just friends, i love him but i'm just too shy, and i don't know why. i wish he would tell me he loved me." He finished, closing the diary. i'I wish I did too,'/i he thought to himself as everything hit him like a rock. Meredith was gone, his Meredith that he loved so much, his Meredith that loved him back was gone, she was gone forever. His once strong posture was suddenly brought down by a light breeze as his knees hit the floor and he began to cry, cry for her, cry for him, and cry for them.


End file.
